The Oscars suck. I hate them. Such a popularity contest. Really. I have lost all faith in them. They have yet to
prove themselves that they are worthy to me. I'm waiting. Every year they disappoint me in some way. The 'Titanic' sweep,
the tragic loss of 'Private Ryan' to 'Shakespeare', and numerous snubs..... So I have decided to take it upon myself to give
out my own awards. Below are the categories presented in the awards and my winner for each one. I try to be realistic, but
still, since the Oscars are a popularity contest and don't actually prove a film's worth or greatness, there is room for bias.......
Best Picture: 'Pirates of the Caribbean'! No, just kidding. I think I might actually
put in 'Sweeney Todd' (which wasn't nominated in this category), but if I were to pick one which was actually nominated I
would pick 'Atonement', even though I haven't seen it, because I want to.
Best
Actor: Johnny Depp; it was blasphemy that he didn't win for 'Pirates 1' in 2003. So he deserves it now.
Best
Actress: Tough one, as I only know who Cate Blanchett is and haven't seen any of the films. But I think I'll pick Ellen
Page, for no real reason at all.
Best Directing: I'm putting in Tim
Burton since he wasn't nominated (shame on you people!) and thus he wins here.
Best Actor, supporting: Putting in another who wasn't nominated: Christian Bale. Or would it be Russell Crowe? This category
always confuses me. Just who is the supporting actor? Well, whoever it is here (Mr. Bale or Mr. Crowe), one of them wins.
An unjust exclusion from the Academy.
Best Actress, supporting: Helena
Bonham Carter, because she is just perfect as Mrs. Lovett and because 'Sweeney Todd' is killer.
Best
Animated: 'Ratatouille', because I'm moving 'Persepolis' to the foreign language category.
Adapted
Screenplay: 'Atonement'.....
Original Screenplay: Um, 'Hot Fuzz'......
Documentary: Eneey, meeney, miney, moe, I pick 'Sicko'. For no reason.
Foreign Language: 'Persepolis' (don't really know why it's in the other category
and not this one).
other documentary category: I have no idea.
both short films categories: eh, I haven't heard of any of them.
Best Original Song: One from 'Enchanted'; I love 'Falling Slowly' from 'Once' but
it was an old song from The Frames which wasn't actually written for the film so to let it win would be cheating.
Music: The only nom for 'Yuma'..........sigh. But I will actually pick Hans Zimmer for 'Pirates 3', because he is awesome
and the music is awesome and I love it and he gave me echoes of Mr. Morricone and because Mr. Zimmer was unjustly snubbed
in this category for both the Oscars and the Golden Globes and it makes me angry, very angry indeed.
Visual
Effects: 'PIRATES 3' ALL THE WAY. There is absolutely no and I mean NO reason why it should not and WILL NOT win this one.
I mean come on. Seriously!! That maelstrom! And I suppose Davy Jones too..... *grumble*
every
other category not listed here: 'Pirates 3'......I see no other competition.
