We've already established the fact that Jack Bauer would kick Jack Sparrow's hind parts any day. And we also know that
if Jack Bauer had found his way to the Caribbean in the early 1700s the events of the three films would be over within twenty
four hours rather than months and months. But how might it go down? I sat and thought and here is what I came up with.
It begins with 'Black Pearl' and finishes, of course, with 'At World's End'. I have started it at 10.00 am because Mr Bauer
needs a chance to sleep in and get some breakfast.
*warning: contains
mild swearing because Jack Bauer likes to swear. And as with all '24' episodes, there is violence, although not as much here
because I don't like torture, don't think it would work with these characters, and besides, it's Disney influenced. And I
apologize if my hours are off; boats don't go very fast and I don't write '24' so I'm not in tune with the hourly clock.
But I try. Yes I know the events in the films aren't followed exactly; this is what it would be like done in twenty four
hours.*
Previously, in Port Royal......
Port Royal has
just been sacked by pirates. The govenor's daughter Elizabeth has been kidnapped. These events follow the promotion ceremony
of Captain Norrington to the rank of Commodore in the Royal Navy and the arresting of a pirate.
The following
takes place between some random morning in Port Royal and begins between 10.00 am and 11.00. Events occur in as real time
as they can.
10.00 am-11.00 am--Will Turner regains consciousness in the street after being attacked by
a pirate the night before. He remembers that Elizabeth has been taken, and so he rushes to Governor Swann and states his
fears that she is gone. This fact is already known, and both the Governor and Commodore Norrington are not amused at being
given news they already know. Confrontations arise, and angry words are exchanged. Will gets angry at the fact that the
two men seem to be going by protocol to bring Miss Swann back and Norrington tells Will to mind his place; he's not the only
man who has a crush on her. Another Naval officer remarks that he heard the arrested pirate Jack Sparrow mention the pirates
who attacked the town and their ship, the Black Pearl, and Will says that they should confront Sparrow about this. Norrington
disagrees; they are not allies.
Norrington: 'No, they left Sparrow
locked in his cell, ergo they are not allies. We need to call upon another Jack, an American, a fierce soldier, to help us
here, Governor. Bring me Jack Bauer!' *10.15*
Mr. Bauer appears,
wearing his dirty jeans and green sweatshirt and bullet proof vest, carrying his green bag by his side. He had been in Port
Royal trying to patch quickly deteriorating ties between the American colonies and the English government.
Bauer: 'You wanted to see me, sir?' Norrington: 'Yes, we need help rescuing the Governor's daughter
who has been kidnapped by pirates. Will you help us?' Bauer: 'Of course.' See, pirates are terrorists and Jack Bauer hates
terrorists. As Bauer walks away to begin formulating a plan to save the girl, Will confronts him. Will: 'Look, I don't know
who you are, but I know you want to help. I don't want to go against authority, but I love this girl, and I will do anything
to get her back. And I think we need to talk to this pirate, Jack Sparrow. He knows these pirates who took Elizabeth Swann.
Those guys over there won't let me help. Will you?' Bauer: 'Look, kid, you don't do field ops. You could slow me down.
But I agree, we could use inside help. If this Sparrow knows these pirates, we should try talking to him. I'll see what
we can do.' *10.30*
They go to the prison, and meet Jack Sparrow.
Sparrow is amused at Will's desire to rescue Elizabeth, but wary of Bauer, and refuses help. Bauer is not amused. He knows
this pirate knows something, and can help him. Bauer: 'Look, I need your help. You know these pirates. I don't. Any information
you give me could be very useful. I can cut you a deal. I can get you out.' Of course Jack Sparrow likes the idea of getting
out of prison. Bauer goes to the Governor and makes a deal with him on Sparrow's behalf, and Jack Sparrow is soon free and
off on the fastest ship in the Caribbean along with Jack Bauer and Will Turner (after some pleading Bauer allowed Will to
come along, but warned him if he got in his way he would leave him in the next port they came to and sail away without him).
*10.34*
Meanwhile, Elizabeth Swann is recovering from her misadventures
from the night before: being kidnapped by pirates, finding out that they were cursed and turned in skeletons in the moonlight,
and such. They are quickly reaching the island where the Aztec gold lies. Jack, Jack, and Will meanwhile continue to sail
towards them. Jack, Jack, and Will have arrived in Tortuga to find a crew for the ship. *10.40* Jack Sparrow brings forward
his crew to Bauer. Sparrow: 'Well, what do you think? Faithful hands before the mast, and I even know a couple of them!'
Bauer: (one man is a midget, one is mute, and one is a drunkard) 'These men are pathetic. They couldn't hold their weight
in a war.' Sparrow: 'Maybe not, but they can crew a ship, and that's what we need.' Bauer: 'Do you trust them?' Sparrow:
'As much as I do anyone.' Bauer: 'Fine. I don't want to argue right now. Just get them on the ship.' It is done, and they
leave. Eventually they reach the island where the Black Pearl has gone, and Jack, Jack, and Will take a boat into the enterior.
By this time, the evil pirate captain has realized that Elizabeth cannot lift the curse. Will sees her lying unconscious
near the water and goes to get her. He and Bauer bring her out to the other ship, only to realize that Sparrow is not with
them.
Bauer: 'Where's Sparrow?' 'Will: 'Huh?' Elizabeth: 'Jack?
Jack Sparrow?' Will: 'He was right behind us!' Bauer: 'Damn it! He's still inside! Turner, stay here with the girl. I'm
going in after him.' *10.59*
11.00am-12.00pm--Bauer gets to the cave
again, and sees Sparrow talking with the bad pirates. Clearly, they seem to know each other. Suddenly it occurs to Jack
that there is more to this story than he has been told. This makes him very mad. Jack does some quick thinking: he could
go in, as he often does, and attempt to get Sparrow out, but then he would start a fight. And there is one of him and thirty
pirates. Plus, Sparrow knows them. And then his cover would be blown. They would know there are more people here, and they
probably already know the girl is gone. Damn it! Jack thinks. There is no way to win here. He will have to leave Sparrow
behind. Oh well. He will get him later. *11.10*
Bauer returns to
the ship. Bauer: 'What's going on? (pointing his gun at Will; Elizabeth freaks out)' Will: 'What do you mean?' Bauer: 'Sparrow
knows those pirates! What is going on? (yelling now)' Will: 'I don't know! I have no idea! Honest!' Elizabeth: 'He's
telling the truth! We don't know!' Bauer: 'Shut up! Someone's been lying to me. What's going on?' Will: 'I swear I don't
know.' Bauer: 'Fine. But if you're the one who's lying to me I will make this the worst day of your life, do you understand
me? (to Elizabeth) I'm sorry for shouting. It's been a really weird day so far.' *11.20*
