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WELL. What a change from ‘Pirates 1’. And what a way to be pleasantly surprised. If I was wary when they made
the first film, I almost threw a fit (uh, not almost, I threw a small fit) when I heard they were making a second—and
most likely third one. WHY???? Why couldn’t they just let it be? But honestly, a second film seemed inevitable, and
thus a third one. But I saw the second one anyway, and it wasn’t too bad. In fact, aside for the middle-ish section,
it was really, really good. It’s not as well made as ‘Black Pearl’ or as funny or witty, but it’s
still really, big fun. But before I applaud the good bits, let's talk about the bad bits.
This had to be one of the hardest films to criticize. I love the first one too, and for the most part I love this
one too, but there are quite a few issues with it so it makes it hard to totally completely love it. First off, you never
know how long after ‘Pearl’ this film takes place. And I suppose it doesn’t matter, but I kinda wanted
to know. Also, the part where you first see Jack again is totally random and just thrown in there for no reason. You never
know where he is (is it Isla de Muerta? I kinda though it was) and why he’s there (something about a key). You also
never know how he got there in the first place, how he got away (something about ‘complications’), or why he had
to go there specifically for the key drawing. In reality, the scene is never mentioned again, and so isn’t entirely
relevant to the plot, but the key IS totally relevant and is a big deal (I mean, come on, Will nearly sells his soul to get
it!) so knowing a little background here would help. On the other hand, if we were told why Jack was there and why that place
and how and everything, it would probably add 5+ minutes to the already lengthy film. It would also get talky and bog down
the already somewhat sluggish first half. BUT. It could have replaced the cannibal sequence and all that (while still being
intercut with Elizabeth’s escape and the growing conspiracy) and been perfectly fine. I vote for a change. Speaking
of which, the cannibal sequence is totally irrelevant to the rest of the plot and I think only exists as to add some humor
and fun (?) in this dark film. The only problem is, it isn’t very funny or fun. The entire bit is boring and awkwardly
placed and completely threw me off course (☺). I thought Will was going after Jack. Well, he was, but still. I don’t
know why this was added; another pirate cliché, I supposed (which isn’t needed). The conspiracy/escape is fine; it
ups the ante quite a bit and is necessary for what happens later in this film (and most likely film 3, because I don’t
think we’ve seen the last of Beckett, who now holds ultimate power and control of the ocean). And I actually found
this plot thread interesting. I could not find one funny moment, though, in the cannibal thread, and really wish they had
taken it out. That’s over 20 min. of wasted time that could have been better spent telling us about our latest intro
to Jack (not to mention the fact that you have to rewind your memory to remember what was going on previously and why). Aside
from this pointless section, the film is good, and the rest of it plays out well.
Acting wise this film is better than ‘Pearl’ for about everyone besides Mr. Depp. He seems so uncomfortable
here (although this could be explained by the nagging debt he has to pay and the slimy octopus times two—well, one’s
more a squid—that is coming after him. If I were being stalked by the kraken or Davy Jones I would feel freaked out
too. Never mind both…..good Lord.). He just isn’t as natural here as he is in ‘Pearl’, at least
not at first. By the end he is more his normal Jack self and all is made better. Part of this could also be because we know
him already and he’s more familiar to us than he was in the first film and thus we know his quirks and all, but something
still seems to be missing. As for Will and Elizabeth, I like their characters so much better this time around. Elizabeth
is not such a bitch anymore and she’s less annoying and more independent. She thinks for herself a bit more and has
broken free from her rich girl I-am-SO-better-than-you attitude. As for Will, he’s not so square here. He branches
out and seems to have more depth as a character (you even learn more about his dad). He’s a lot tougher here and has
thankfully lost the sad puppy eyes. He’s a more likable hero. but still charming and dashing and handsome and lovable.
Just tougher and smarter. Go Will. Geoffrey Rush isn’t here but he’s dead so it doesn’t matter (although….NO.
Spoiler territory. I won’t go there.). Cheers to Naomie Harris as Tia Dalma, who is probably the greatest character
of the series. We don’t know much about her yet (but maybe in three?) and half the time you have no idea what she’s
saying, but she’s just so awesome (and I love how she hits on Will). Big kudos. I like her character; I hope she comes
back (I have finally found someone as dramatic and bizarro as me! :D). Finally, last but not least, you will never believe
who is in this film (but sadly plays the most unlikable character in the history of cinema)…BILL NIGHY! NO!!!! I am
NOT kidding!!!! He is totally here! I actually did flips and danced in my room before I saw this film and realized who he
plays. He is DAVY JONES, who is by far the nastiest and most hateful character ever. I can’t think of any film or
TV character, EVER, in anything that I have seen that I have hated more than him. Jones is not only creepy and gross and
covered in seaweed and slime, he is also sadistic, cruel, mean, rude, EVIL, cruel, hateful, murderous, EVIL, not capable of
any emotion other than hate, ugly, and EVIL. Mr. Nighy does his absolute very best channeling the bane of all who travel
the sea, and to be very honest, does a remarkable job. From the moment Davy comes clud-thunking his way onto the screen Bill
gives one of his best performances ever. I hear they put the poor guy (Bill) in grey pajamas with dots all over him in order
to create the character (it’s too tricky to explain here; you’ll have to go to ILM’s website and see how
they did it; IGN had something on it too). But Bill totally absorbs Jones and you would never, ever know it’s him there
if not for someone telling you (Davy ends up looking a lot like Bill; it’s pretty creepy). Bill probably needed an
excorsism at the end of filming because I’m pretty sure he totally gets possessed here. I guess Jonesy is supposed
to be Scottish, but that is the most bizarre brogue I have ever heard (sorry, Bill, you tried). I have no idea what he’s
saying sometimes. And he sounds like he has a cronic cold (or allergies; I know, I know, darling, allergies are no fun.
I have the same issue. Hmmm….maybe he’s allergic to something in the sea? Then there’s no hope.). But
he needs help. PLEASE! Sudafed is your friend, Davy. Seriously. Ugh. A linguist’s nightmare!! It’s interesting,
though, how they made him look. He looks totally Lovecraftian (even the personality, background, etc.)—just like Cthulu.
Intentional, or accidental? I haven’t heard yet, but I want to know, so someone tell me please! (I took an English
course in Lovecraft once, not really by choice, but because a horror lit. course was required and it was the only one that
fit into my schedule. I hate Lovecraft, actually, but I find these connections interesting.) I also find the idea that Jones
and his crew have been at sea so long they are starting to turn into the sea. Freaky, but clever. The basic legend of the
Flying Dutchman isn’t used (the whole Cape of Good Hope deal), but there is a tie to a Samuel Taylor Coleridge poem
(‘Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner’)—the idea that the captain of the ship does something bad and by cursing
himself curses his crew (read the poem; there are other ties to the film too but it would take up too much time to talk about
here). Interesting; clearly, these film writers are well learned and payed attention in English class. Well done. You don’t
get that much in films (smart writers, I mean, and scholarly ones). And along those lines, I also find it interesting how
the whole film feels like a horror film. The tone here is much darker than in ‘Pearl’, and some of you are going
to hate this. I, however, found it brilliant. The film itself is dark in color (deep blues and greens and blacks and greys)
which adds to the horror feel and most of the super creepy stuff (the fishpeople…..) happens at night (the fishpeople
come out at night, haha!). Giant squids have long been the bane of sailors everywhere (at least in fiction) and I needen’t
tell you the ties to 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (both the film and the book), even though those were squids and not krakens
(the kraken has his own legend, though he doesn’t belong in the Caribbean). And if you know the original legend of
the Flying Dutchman (ghost ships almost seem like a Hallowe’en staple) and all those stories about Davy Jones you add
to the horror element. The rather yucky beginning of the film (with the prison) starts this horror fest and it doesn’t
let up. Oh and you also have fishpeople and murder and mayhem and Davy (and Davy himself seems like only something H.P. Lovecraft
would think up). And finally there’s Davy and his organ—can we say ‘Phantom of the Opera’? And ‘Dracula’
too, I guess. I love these ties. Very clever. As I said, scholarly writers. Another kind of random plus, I love how everything
is wet: it rains a lot, especially when the Dutchman and her crew are on the prowl; characters are almost always wet; and
there is a heavy focus on water and the sea. The sea itself is much more focused upon here; you have a sea monster, sailors
(well, duh), and people who have been at sea so long that it’s starting to bite them in the ass. Plus, there’s
Davy and his whole ‘I-am-the-sea’ bit. So water should play a big part—and it does, appropriately (and
the scene where you first meet…NO! spoiler! Nevermind. All I’ll say is that there is a scene with Jack in the
bowels of the ship looking for rum and then he meets someone who is totally like oozing water….yeah. Good stuff.).
The film is dark and brooding, and like Joseph Conrad’s ‘Heart of Darkness’ novel it takes us deep into
the human mind and to places we don’t want to go but don’t want to leave. You kind of feel like Marlow here;
you are maybe a bit appalled at all the bad things that happen to people here but you are also fascinated. Why do some people
do horrible things? What makes us tick? The big question asked in this film is how far would you be willing to go to save
your soul, and at what cost? And if you could, would you sell it for something good? It’s interesting how no one in
this film is entirely perfect and everyone has some major internal conflict they’re trying to fight.
 'She doesn't like me.....she really doesn't like me.....why doesn't she like me?'
So now I must talk about the effects and the really, really amazing job Industrial Light and Magic (ILM) has done. They are
always on top of their game, but here they totally rewrite history and all your basic ideas on special affects and CGI. Wow.
The effects are so seamless.
Unfortunately, the effects consist of a horrid kraken, a ship that looks like it’s molding and rotting before
your eyes, nasty fish people, and dear old Jonesy himself. But a nice job even so. Speaking of Jones, couldn’t they
have done something different than putting a bloody octopus on his head? Seriously! The gross factor with this guy is off
the charts. And that kraken; I am so never going swimming in the ocean again. Way to deliver the freakiness. (I need to
go off on a tangent for a bit; a lot of people have been complaining that this film has too many cliches in it, but I argue
that most of these pirate movie cliches—sea monsters, ghost ships, etc.—aren’t cliches at all because they
are actual legends. I believe that they are here because the writers felt like adding a bit of mythos here; nothing wrong
with that.)
Another plus here, which I touched upon before, is character development. Will branches out and actually does
something daring (finding Jack, although I supposed he also does something daring in film 1 by going after the Pearl) but
at any rate he’s not so square. Lizzie is less bitchy, and we learn more about Jack’s multifaceted personality
(he’s quite complex—BIG internal conflicts). Norrington’s change is the best, though. It is interesting
to watch him become that which he hates. And I also find it interesting that he does something piratey, fighting Will and
Jack for the chance to get his life back and let Beckett rule the world (and the seas).
The last half of the film is excellent. After they get away from the cannibals it really gets interesting. If
they had cut that whole cannibal deal they would have had a perfect film. That three way sword fight is just too cool. There’s
humor too, and the acting gets better than how it begins. Jack starts off like he’s only there for our entertainment
and seems like he has been thrown into some cartoon, but by the end of the film he has a purpose and is the old familiar Jack.
And what an ending; they pull a ‘24’ and now you know that not even in the ‘Pirates’ franchise are
characters completely safe. Like ’24, anyone is fair game to be offed. Woah. And what a cliff hanger for the last
few seconds; it really makes me want to see the next one. Which might be the point, but they did well! To wrap up a few
random bits, the music is fantastic as always (Hans Zimmer is a film score god) and the cinematography/photography for this
and the first film have yet to be bested by anyone. A+. Expect more of the same in film 3.
If you like dark, spooky films, yet with a little humor and excitement peppered in, this film is for you. While
it’s not a true horror film, there’s enough here to twist your mind and creep you out. And it’s a ‘Pirates’
film, and while not as good as the first one (I blame the cannibals) it’s still a lot of fun and well made and thrilling
and chilling. It is fun. Will fans will be all over this movie. Jack fans probably the same. Norrington fans, I dunno,
you’ll have to make your own decisions. And you really have to see this film to see what they’ve done with it.
ILM will shock you to no end. You really have to see what they’ve done because words cannot describe it. Fans of
the first one will probably be curious, but some of you might be disappointed because it’s a different film than the
first and has a differnet feel. I don’t think this takes away from the film at all. I think it’s good that they
branched out a bit. Clearly they are not setting out to make typical pirate films. They are setting out to create a whole
world and to introduce you to some wickedly good tales. So if you’re feeling brave, check this one out. If you don’t
mind a nightmare or two. Anywho I need to go now. Davy Jones is after me for insulting him. I hope it hasn’t been
ten years yet. Then I’m so doomed.
p.s. You remember Davy's 'release the kraken' speech? It is a paraphrase of Job vs. 3-9. And a very close paraphrase at
that. He may be vile, but Jones sure knows his Bible. I suppose that's something.
Best quote: ‘Oi! Fishface! Lose something? Eh? Scungili!.....Got it! Come to negotiate, eh? Have you,
you slimy git? Look what I’ve got! I’ve got a jar of dirt, I’ve got a jar of dirt, and guess what’s
inside it!....’ The best.
Best moment: Taunting Davy with a jar of dirt. Victory! Who wouldn’t want to do that? Shame he wasn’t
amused, the loser. He needs to lighten up. Lizzie’s hissy fit is also quite hysterical.
Worst moment: CANNIBALS. Hands down.
Why see it: It’s ‘Pirates’ and it’s awesome and it’s fun and exciting and you’ll
be glad to see these guys again (I sure was). It’s also funny and epic and really well made. Except for the cannibal
bit.
Why you shouldn’t: Some of you might be wary because it’s a different film in style and tone that the
first (personally, I find it more stylish). Some of you might not like this. It’s also not as funny as the first.
You might not like this either. You might even be wary that they made another, but you shouldn’t be. You also might
not like ‘Pirates’. I want to know who you are. We need to talk.
'Is there and on-off switch for this thing? Maybe that's why it's not working.'
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